If you were a good person you would answer my question. help someone who really needs it.?

Your self medicating made your depression worse. You weren't really over the boken heart. On top of that, your 'bad trip' made it ll worse. BUT, it made you look at yourself with different eyes. What you saw was a mook who tried to self medicate and didn't like him. Plus the parent issues. Yikes, your plate is full! Do not expect a quick fix because you had a quick fall. I suggest you find counselling. That always hels us unscramble our brains. Someone not connected who can give you some thinking guidance. Your way of thinking has changed and so you ae now questioning everything. It's like a mid-life crises early. I can't be the old me either, but I'm finally a new-old me after counselling. I can look back and see my errors and regret them. But that means I have grown because I'm now able to see them for what they are. It's not a good thing to try to fix yourself. If you could you already would have. Get help. I did and it made a world of difference.